The Master List-

Some are great. Some are average. Some are confused. Here is the master list with no comments. I’ll highlight my favorites later. A back slash denotes a separate line of text.

 

  • Richy: Who isn’t a fan of sitting in general regardless of where it is.
  • Cameron: lollll the good ol’ rusty trombone?
  • Matt: I try not to judge 😉 / U?
  • Tucker: I welcome it with open arms/ And legs…
  • Vincent: That’s a great question
  • CJ: Down
  • Seth: Well that certainly got my attention. Ha
  • Max: I can be the sitter or sat upon. Either is fine with me
  • Chris: All game/ smiley face with blushed cheeks <- in emoji form. He didn’t type that out.
  • Dane: pretty down
  • Adam: What?
  • Mitchell: I’ve been waiting three months for you to ask me that. I’m pretty open to it, but it can sometimes be a bit…prickly, if you will. What are your thoughts?
  • Chase: I have no idea where you’re going with that
  • Austin: My face is your toilet darling
  • Jason: You must elaborate. I have a lot of stances. But I’m not sure if any of them involve sitting on face?
  • Erik: Like you sitting on my face or me sitting on your face
  • Lane: Who is sitting on who’s face
  • Greyson: I can’t really think of a better way to spend a Thursday night.
  • Bryce: I’m into it as long as your into giving rimjobs
  • Christopher: I voted yes when the bill was up for debate/ Earn my trust with 1 single word/ There has to be a hand symbol to say when to get off, Iv came close to suffocation one to many times/ Toy with my emotions, squat low
  • Glen: I voted yes on prop 69. /What’s your stance on anal?
  • Brian: Hhhmm is it weird that just reading that question aroused me??/ And then I laughed cause that was the most random question I got on here..
  • Kalen: Always down (tongue emjoi)/ What’s yours?/…1 hour later Wait, who’s doing the sitting?
  • Josh: Hahaha. I’m in/ If you have a chair
  • Joe: Huge proponent
  • Dakotah: What does that mean
  • Max: I suppose that could be arranged
  • Sean: I consider myself pro sitting on face
  • Kurt: If your politely asking to sit on my face, the answer is yes.
  • Manuel: One of my favorites 😉
  • Emmet: I’ve been going back and forth on the subject recently./ Its been a huge topic of debate
  • Sina: I made a great chair. What is your position on the matter?
  • Matt: I would say I am without a doubt.

To be honest. This is getting boring, so I’ll only type out the rest that intrigued me or stood out for other reasons.

  • Arman: My stance is that I like peanut butter with my milk.
  • Chris: Believe my stance would be horizontal in that scenario.
  • Erik: Stance and sitting, kind of an oxymoron isn’t it?
  • Ryan: Such a chill thing to ask. It’s my favorite, obviously. Parker: Well I’d wager a guess that your stance would end up being pretty delicious
  • Casey: I’m pretty pro face sitting but if you want I Get down to the real issues its all about anal and dirty Sanchez. Thoughts?Ari: Not much of a stance. More of a crouch. But My theory is if they sit they will come. Kind of a field of dreams thing. / And you? Sitting on face? Would that be a major like or dislike? (3 hours later) /?
  • Maxwell: I think it should be regarded as appropriate in public beaches and parks. Westerners are such squares.
  • Robin: FYI our babies wud be beautiful/ And it’s cool long as ur vag is delicious/ (2 weeks later) Soo about that face sitting line is that just ur standard opener.
  • Hank: My face is your barstool/ How do you feel about standing 69? Just to clarify, you would be the one standing.
  • Seth: Based on our friends in common…are you a nice jewish east coast girl

Clearly we have some philosophers on our hands…What’s your favorite? Do you have one that’s better? Have you received one that’s worse?

Tweet/Email your responses to @facefit4radio/Facefit4radio@gmail.com

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Can I sit on your face?

After hearing about how Tinder really wasn’t as successful in securing long term healthy relationships, I decided to get to the root of the problem. It turns out, Tinder offers a great means of communication, but people are too busy asking generic questions that they don’t want the answers to. Do you like puppies? How many siblings do you have? No one gives a fuck.

By the time you start getting to the juicy stuff, the conversation is over, and a 10 second snap chat of a saggy tit has cleared you straight out of his consciousness.

That’s why I decided to be brazen and start with the most important thing that someone needs to know before entering a relationship.

CAN I SIT ON YA FACE?

…Stay tuned to read more about my experiment. <- Click there for more!

Dear Reader, Love Taylor

Hello.

I am writing to express excited interest in the fact that you have purchased this book.  To date, I have read about ¾ of Mindy Kaling’s book, and the entire introduction of Tina Fey’s. (4 pages), and they both seem to start by offering their gratitude. Although I do, in fact, truly appreciate your support, I have strong feelings and even higher hopes that you will be thanking yourself for this purchase on your own accord.

Sometimes I try to read over my stuff as someone else. I assume the identity of Jacelyn Skillman, (my prolonged porn star name) or Tiffany Smallz (my first faux JDate Profile).  Quite often, I think “Haha, that SUCKS. Glad that didn’t happen to me.”

Right…you might see how this process lacks any advantage. But, my loss is your gain. You’re welcome.

Anyway, when I first moved to LA, I began a blog entitled Sprinkle Munchkin, my absolute favorite Dunkin Donuts product. [Dunkin Donuts to the West Coast is Sonic to the East Coast. You see the commercials everywhere, but have never come across one] As a treat, absolutely divine. As a blog, not so much. Sprinkle Munchkin really had zero direction, and was just an outlet for me to preserve random thoughts. In an insomnia-ridden night, I developed this little anecdote to describe myself. Although written in a delirious state, I find that it remains pretty accurate.

Taylor Braun.

I’m 23 years old and female, though pictures of my early childhood might indicate otherwise. Co-authoring my autobiography Taylor Braun: My life from A-D, and my other autobiography Taylor Braun: I know what I want? I think!

I also host and transcribe interviews of various public figures that take place in my head.  Guests include but are not limited to, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Ellen Degeneres and the like.

I start everything but finish nothing.  I am repetitive but contradictory.  I say something one day but believe something else the next.  I’m rarely hungry, but often eating. I’m always tired. If you find that annoying, imagine how I feel.  I just farted.

I do solemnly swear that I did actually fart after finishing the blurb. In all honesty, I don’t think I meant to type it but rather was just reiterating the events aloud to myself, complete norm. When I read it the next day, it worked for me.

I decidedly made this my signature for a short period of time. This was before I had fully committed to writing, and when I was still applying for corporate jobs and responding to the occasional craigslist partners.  This may or may not have been the reason I never got one. (A job, or a craigslist partner)

My goal is to time stamp everything that I write. Seeing as I have been essentially compiling essays and articles for years, I have a feeling this book will be read in an order in which it is not chronologically written. Ie: Today is March 13, 2013. 1:39 AM.  According to my phone, my computer is 13 minutes fast.

What makes this night different from all the others? (insert jewish comment here) As you may or may not know, I have egregiously compared myself to many of the great female comedy writers of our time. Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, Lena Dunham, Taylor Braun. Oh, sorry it just kind of flowed.

I realize however that there is one glaringly obvious difference. One of these names does not belong. No, its not Mindy Kaling because she is Indian! What century are you in?

I realize that I am not famous. (define famous) I haven’t been on a show, or written one that anyone has seen. I’ve never been on SNL. I haven’t even watched all the episodes. I did however go to see one taping. Hugh Laurie hosted and Beck was the musical guest.  That fact would bear absolutely no relevance on my life until years later when Hugh would become the star of my first celebrity adult dream.

Anyway, today as I was reading Mindy’s book, I came across a quote on the back cover, “Where have you been all our lives, Mindy?”

And that is the reason that I’m writing this book, officially. Why put off tomorrow what you can do today.  So I will be going through all my old devices, including a dell lap top, a mac lap top, a desktop dating back to the prehistoric time when people still used desktops, multitudes of emails from a variety of my email addresses throughout the years, and numerous cell phones containing photos and notepads of who knows what.  With any luck, I won’t actually have to write anything additional, other than the occasional comment. With a little luck I will become “famous” in the mean time, get a huge cash advance to fund the research of my book, and live it up like a rock star in the Hollywood Hills. With a lot of luck…Well now this is bordering on a Lottery commercial, and I’m not about to do that, unless I get a killer endorsement deal.

Also, I can’t fall asleep, and am waiting for my advil PM to kick in.

I honestly hope you enjoy the read. But even if you don’t, you already bought it so its cool. Unless you downloaded it illegally, in which case….

WELCOME TO FACEFIT4RADIO.