TJB Takes Cali

I’m still in my post Vegas come down, and relatively certain that I haven’t had a complete, or at least coherent thought in the past 24 hours. So instead of working on anything requiring actual productivity… I’m just going to jot down useless information pertaining to my life, hope that it turns out decent, but shamelessly promote it regardless of the outcome.  Speaking of Shameless, I will be watching that along with the rest of my Sunday night lineup… perhaps the only silver lining of being too emotionally distressed to watch some of my favorite shows.

In truth, I did have the Oscars turned on, but I think that only added to my despair.  I was thoroughly unimpressed for most of it.  And the few reviews that came across my newsfeed, shared similar sentiments.  Despite the less than favorable evaluation of his performance, I woke up this morning with a desire to have sex with Seth MacFarlane that did not previously exist. (It’s not like a burning longing or anything of that nature… just currently a thought floating in the wind that I figure I’d throw out to the universe in case it is fated that I should be a Family Girl, if you will.)

Anyway, considering the fact that I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I succumbed to the lure of Lavo Brunch, and participated in deplorable activities such as wearing sunglasses inside, and swinging glow sticks in the air like an air traffic controller…


I am currently taking the day to boost my self-esteem.

Days like this I usually call my grandmother and find a way to prompt her to tell me how beautiful she thinks I am. (Yes, this is the one who thinks I look like Ashley Olsen, but I’m not prejudiced. I’ll take it from where I can get it) Last time, I hit the jackpot when she confirmed her belief that some people aren’t meant to have children. My mother being one of them, grandma thinks I “turned out quite alright, considering”. Score!

Today, however, there was no such luck, as I couldn’t get a hold of her. She is most definitely at the track. And to clarify, this is the horse track, not the kind surrounding high school football fields. I could never understand why my college roommate was always so impressed that Grandma Anna spent so much time at the track. Turns out she was envisioning her sprinting hurdles, when in reality the only thing she sprints is to and fro the bathroom.

Instead, I resorted to looking up old pictures and stuff. You know the shot books that people generally make you when you turn 21 or have a big birthday.  They are essentially pictures of you and your friends, doing fun things, with blurbs highlighting exactly how much fun you’re having. Unless the creator is a huge cunt, it only includes pictures where you at the least, look decent.

Side note: I can guarantee that any picture including the person who made it for you, is one that she (or he if he’s gay or in love with you) looks awesome in. It’s as if they actually just created a whole scenario/blurb so that they could remind you of how good they looked.  I wouldn’t know… I only send my friends pictures of myself on their birthday, to remind them how lucky they are that I am in their life)

Well I was perhaps the only girl in America who never got a shot book. My birthday was in the time slot where is not exactly clear who is responsible for providing the fun.  It was kind of too close to the end of school for the home friends to assume responsibility, and not far enough for the college friends to actually miss each other and want a reason to see each other.  My parents also forgot it once or twice. I’m not sure which side of the grey area that falls under.

Anyway, upon departing NY for California, one of my friends put her artistic talents to the forefront and made me a book entitled “TJB takes Cali”, including all the reasons “why you can’t leave/why we’ll miss you”.  I find this to be an excellent premise to any conversation, and would recommend it as an adornment for coffee tables around the country. It certainly is on mine.

Clearly most of it is bull shit, but who doesn’t like to get their own horn tooted once in a while?

Of course the reasons are infinite in actuality… but she managed to find 34, and this will now be the prompt of my new series pertaining to my coffee table conversations.  If these reasons managed to make it into her book, the chances are there is much more of a story behind them… and I obviously will provide the necessary due diligence in elaborating on them and then sharing them with you.

They can also be devised into 30 second or less elevator pitches that I recommend anyone utilize.  Disclaimer: I can’t foresee how this would actually be helpful for anyone.


One thought on “TJB Takes Cali

  1. Pingback: Solids | Face Fit 4 Radio

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