My Tailored (Get it) Social Circle

Here is an ongoing list of people whom I deem worthy to enter my imaginary social circle:

As of today 2/1/13, there are a great number of people who have already made the cut.. (I will most definitely dig into the archives and elaborate on each) But for those interested in becoming, and more importantly maintaining their existence as, a part of this elite grouping of intellectuals… this is the best way to stay up to date on my current expectations.

Keep in mind. No one is ever safe from elimination. One questionable move, social faux pas, or Hollywood taboo can easily have you thrown off this upper echelon, and into the depths of the common-folk. That is, of course, except for myself… because as hard as I try.. there is no way of ridding me. (Insert Pink’s “I’m my own worst enemy” here…and also insert a flashback of me belting it at the top of my lungs in the middle school locker room during gym.)

In no particular order: These are all people that I feel I would be able to create a mutually beneficial friendship with, symbiosis at its finest.

1. Jeff Garlin:  In reality he probably made this list before, but this conversation secured his spot.   I also will probably spend most of my free time in Bristol Farms in yoga pants as a result of this…or at least maybe go to the gym in the hopes that I can one day be the type of woman he so eloquently describes.

See his podcast here.

2. Lena Dunham: Previous posts will show that I obviously have some weird obsession, and subconsciously think that we were born with the same mind. I think this could prove to be a solid study in nature vs. nurture, showing the vast differences that arise due to one’s upbringing. Ie: being born and influenced by creative and expressive individuals (Lena) versus being born and raised by… accountants (me).

Disclaimer* I still have yet to see a picture of myself pre three years old.. so I’m holding on to the notion that I am adopted.

3. Ellen Degeneres.  She was actually one of my first celebrity friends.  My cousin Nicole and I sent in a video of us doing an interpretive dance to White Houses by Vanessa Carlton.  I was angry with Ellen because it never aired. I later found out that it was because we never sent it in. It was accidentally taped over by an episode of FRIENDS.  Probably, (definitely) a blessing in disguise.

* I have had many additional interactions with Ellen & her staff which I will surely exploit in another post.

4. Larry David. Seinfeld is great. Curb is greater.  I found that I strongly related to Larry’s character in Curb, perhaps more than any other television character at the time, which is interesting, and more likely concerning, since I was a teenage girl.  Before I even knew what a “spec script” was… I ultimately created an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.  It was based on the premise that there was a flood in the basement, and accordingly no one could utilize the bathroom, or flush the toilets.  He also went to the University of Maryland, my alma mater, and legend has it, roomed with my friends dad, so he makes for a clearly logical addition to my circle.  I wrote him into my film  ”Aftermath”. In his cameo, he offers my character an internship to work with him and write for his show. In real life, I wrote him a letter explaining why I deserved the opportunity to work with him and write for his show. Response is still pending.

5 & 6: Battle of the Jimmys. This takes on an interesting twist. I feel that the battle of the Jimmys correlates to many current aspects of my life. For 1, I just moved from New York (Jimmy F) to Los Angeles (Jimmy K). I have been known to do a pretty good impression in my day, and for that previously dubbed myself the female Jimmy Fallon. However, a friend ran into Jimmy Kimmel in Trader Joe’s, and he apparently had a cart full of alcohol, proving we have similar hobbies. Also, Jimmy Fallon dissed me on his show, without apology. I caught a T shirt when I went to Jimmy Kimmel live.


Pictured above in said Jimmy Kimmel Live, and Sock Bun.


7. Mindy Kaling. This is kind of a tough one, because if I’m being honest…. I didn’t really like her when I first watched The Office. And although, I totally think we’d get along today and things are great on the surface, I can’t help but feel like she resents me just a little bit for my initial impression of her.  So I kind of foresee this relationship as one where I end up putting in way more effort, and do things like accompany her to errands that no one in their right mind would ever want to do. Ie: Accompany her to the gynecologist, and go with her to pick up her prescriptions, and maybe go on road trips to say pick up a piece of furniture from a distant aunt.

It’s fine though because I strangely don’t mind, and utilize the time spent in the waiting rooms to do things like answer my email, and call my grandparents.

INTERJECTION: I just want to interject and say, that there is no rhyme or reason why I think of people I’d want to include in my social circle.  It is possible that a specific candidate hasn’t yet crossed my mind in that capacity. So, if you’re upset that you haven’t made it, don’t be dissuaded by the fact that you’re not currently on the list. It is better to not be on it, than to have been adamantly kicked off it, or categorized under my Do Not Disturb.

8. Nene Leakes. Anytime I hear her name I can’t help but also think of her saying “Men, come and go, but Friends never go” Great advertising by Bravo. That thing is ingrained in my head… In fact, right now I feel like I am listening to a sound bite on repeat. Anyway, Nene is my girl for a bunch of reasons. Of course she keeps it real. But also, she reminds me of one of my best friends from home.  Ali seems to think that she and Nene are of the same cloth. And whereas I know my Lena connection is at the least a huge stretch, any  relation between Ali and Nene is completely thrown out the window as Ali is a skinny, blonde, white jewish girl from Long Island.

Regardless, Nene serves as a person who is able to keep me grounded. Ironically, she reminds me of home..and I totally babysit for her glam baby.

This obviously isn’t finished. It’s a work in progress. I however, need to get my day started, so I will now change into my workout pants, and prepare to go to the gym while perpetually finding excuses as to why I just really can’t.

9. Oh before I go, Judd Apatow. For so many reasons, he is obviously on the list. In addition to the fact that I’ve seen him 3 times since moving here less than 2ish months ago,  (Turns out its not him, and actually another man that resembles him, which still fascinates me that I’ve been able to spot the same human thrice in varying situations. Unless he drives a blue jetta, and in that case. Holy Shit!  I’ve met Judd Apatow thrice.) I’ve recently re-learned that he is from Long Island. I say re-learned because I definitely knew this at one point, but in the process of learning other useless tidbits of information, it somehow slipped my mind. So when I heard it again I was initially shocked, but then came to the realization that I already knew it.

*Note: This is kind of how I feel about random historical facts, specifically wars, and quite often celebrity relationship gossip. (more on that later)

Anyway, he was born in Syosset, and I spent many of my summers there where I stole my cousin’s friends to create an alternate social network for myself.

Also, like Judd, I hope to be one of the people associated with having had attended my school on it’s Wikipedia profile. I’d specifically like to be noted for my Elementary School where Lori Loughlin once roamed the halls. As former president of Oaks School # 3, I think it would be really nice to be recognized as a contributor to society. “If you want to see an acorn, become a mighty oak” That was the place to be, and I guess at the end of the day, all I can really dream of is to prove my that my oak is mighty.

Be back shortly…


2.25.13 ammendment

I think its fair to say we can ad Megan to the list

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