Okay, so the ending of a semester denotes many things. Perhaps the most important of all, (specifically if you’re enrolled in the Greek community at a large University) is that its.. FORMAL season.
This epidemic, as I believe it rightfully should be called, comes around like clockwork year after year, yet for some reason always manages to take people by surprise. The most controversial of the bunch: Fraternity Formals. Add up all the drama of a formal and multiply it by 3…because this shit lasts an entire weekend.
Despite meticulous planning, and regardless of the seeds that have been strategically planted throughout the semester, Away Weekend approaches and whether boy or girl, you find yourself universally fucked.
Its as if something in the air changes, and a no holds barred attitude consumes the entire population. Everyone is on the prey for a formal date. What’s worse is that most of them fall on the same weekend, significantly increasing the complexity of the consideration process..
BOYS: Usual factors such as hotness, how they’ll look in a bathing suit (most are to the beach), personality?, and whether or not they’ll put out.. are foregone in order to secure that they’re not flying solo.
GIRLS: although this “competition” significantly increases your shot of going to an away weekend, your friends are scattered, you pretty much know that you’re 2nd (or 3rd) string, and it makes it THAT much worse when you don’t get invited.
Obviously, there’s a linear relationship between the absurdity that ensues and the closer you get to departure day. In the final week, dateless boys hit the local bar (Cornerstone) on a mission, eyes on the prize. And although most girls are aware of this, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a hike in promiscuity levels during these final days…
Granted, not everyone wants to go to an away weekend. There are some who will actually proclaim that they’d prefer to stay home (92% of these people are lying). But I’ve seen some crazy shit go down in a last ditch effort to get that golden ticket….
Sophomore Year: College Avenue, Night Before D-day
Nope, no takers?
Granted I spent that weekend with my fellow rejects at the cheesecake factory drowning our sorrows in spinach and artichoke dip and chinese chicken salads.
If this formal season ended in an upset, don’t stress now about ways to improve your stats for the next one. The fact is, there is absolutely nothing you can do to prepare. Sit back, relax, and enjoy life while you can, before the next pandemic springs upon you.
To those that didn’t get the invite, your journey ends here. To those that have, (OMG!! YAY!) please continue on to the 2nd edition… Formal Faux Pas